# realizations

i just realized that i forgot to write a title for my last post, and that i'll post that other text right away. so here we go:
i can picture a life with him, which is weird, since i'm only (almost) 17. most people say you don't know what love is until you're older, still i keep wondering if this is it, you know? if this really is love?1've never been in love with a person this long before, not this much anyways. maybe it's the fact that i know he likes me back that makes me keep holding on... or maybe it's the fact that there's something about him, that he never fails to surprise me, that he makes me laugh when i don't even want to smile, that he's so honest. i guess it could also be that excitement with the fact that he's four years older, living abroad... that there's a chance he'll find someone else. that thought actually makes my throat tighten. but i don't think it's gonna happen, for some reason. i just don't think he'd do that to me. but that might be me being naive! still though...
i know he wants to live here, not abroad, and that he wants to design his own house (he's gonna design mine too anyways, so that won't be a problem). it's just that I've always wanted to live in the USA...but i'll live there next year, so i guess i'll find out how badly i want it...besides, we could travel! oh, i don't even know if he¨ll still want me when the times comes. in two years he'll be done in London, and i'll be done with high school. but a lot can happen in two years. still, i can picture a life with him.


i wrote this at school, in a free period. i sat out in the sun with two of my friends, listening to music, shutting out the world. i know i'll miss that when i move. that too... anyways, i don't know if I'll still want him. i doubt i won't...the way things are now, i don't understand how things are gonna be if i don't like him, seeing as I've liked him, conscious or subconscious, for so long. you know, like is not the right word at all. you know, i read somewhere that Norwegian might be the only language that has something that means "jeg er glad i deg" which is really sad, since it's just about exactly how i feel about him. and he told me that's what he feels about me to. so we're past liking each other! i guess "i care about you" is the closest, but that's not right either..oh well, at least you know what i mean, right H?

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