That's when you hit the wall, H. And I tend to hit them quite hard. It's another 124-ish days till I get to see him again, at X-camp. And then there'll be another 365-ish days till our next meet-up. It's killing me, H. Really killing me, slowly and painfully. I'd like to say I'm overdramatizing it, but honestly, I'm not. It really is killing me. I feel my throat tightening just thinking about it, and tears are building up in my eyes. But I can't cry here, on the bus, on my way to pesach-camp. Maybe tonight, maybe I'll let myself cry for awhile. I think I should stop now, cause they're threatening to spill. The tears I mean. And I want it so bad, to just lay down in his arms and cry, let it all out.
I was happy, really happy, today. My friends said they noticed it, how happy I was when I got back from lunch (we lunched during my free period, from 10:30-ish to 11:45-ish). He has that effect on me, he really makes me happy, H! Happier than any one else, I think. Don't take that personal, you know how much you mean to me. You're my person, you'll always be! He puts me in a happy-zone, a comfort-zone, which is like nothing else. I stop to think when I'm with him, I just go along as things happen, it doesn't really matter what we do. Today we went to Sandvika and ate at Kanel. Suddenly a girl from my class (who happens to be the daughter of A's parents' best friends) came to the cafe with all her friends. It didn't bother me nearly as much as it probably should. I was laughing so bad when they suddenly came around the corner, but I merely said "there's Henri", waved hi to her, and continued talking about whatever it was we were talking about. I think A was more bothered than I was! Henri and her friends left before us, and when I got back my friends told me she'd told them how happy I looked. She told me she'd watched me from inside the cafe (A and I sat outside), that I laughed a lot. And I did. It's quite fascinating really, how "into it" he gets, when he tells a story. I just love watching him when he goes on about this and that.
We talked about everything and anything, H. You have no idea how much I wanna cry right now. It hurts, really bad. Have you heard the intro to "We found love"?
It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear.
You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing.
No one'll ever understand how much it hurts.
You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you, and when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.
You almost feel ashamed, that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing.
No one'll ever understand how much it hurts.
You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you, and when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.
I'm writing this on my phone, so I don't know if the HTML-codes will work once I post it. I guess we'll see!
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